Monday, November 13, 2006

Will anything ever change?

In the continually changing world, will anything change with the existing arranged married system??? Probably not.. but I needed a vent-out! So, here goes.

Being a single girl with her parent's on the lookout for a prospective groom, I have to say its worse than slim-pickings out there! Not because we are choosy. But because we (rather I) had anticipated some changes in the society and the general outlook in the people. But what I see is NULL. Nothing has changed. Probably almost everything is just the same as it was when my mom or aunt got married about 20 odd years ago, more worse now than ever!

Irrespective of what the guy does, how well behaved he is, how educated he is, how much he earns, how he looks, etc, almost all guy's parents want a beautiful (but who isn't too into her looks), well-educated (though she has to be less educated than the guy), well-earning (though she must be willing to quit her job if the family needs it and of course SHOULD be earning less than the guy), who can probably cook well (although cooking rajma, fancy salad, anything Italian/Mexican doesn't count, nothing healthy, everything fried traditionally in oil and made traditionally), sing (though during later phases they say they don't like noise of any kind) and what not!!!

Oh, and worst of all, the whole process is based off of horoscope HOPEFULLY (probably) written right based off of the correct time of birth or whatever... and the exchange of pictures. And here again, I have come across several cases where out of fear of GOD-KNOWS-WHAT, there is this big tug-of-war as to which side has to send the first picture. And whoever sends it (which about 70% of the time happens to be the girl's side... well, lets face it.. the status of the guy's side is still higher up, according to them!!!! ) is just isn't good enough for the other side. If it happens to traditional picture, she isn't modern enough and if she send a slightly modern picture, she isn't the right family-oriented person!!!!

Of course, there are exceptions and a few scapegoats are seen on both sides of the fence. I guess its just difficult for these scape goats to meet when there are hoards of other scavengers in the midst! I was definitely not trying to hint anything to anyone or hurt anyone. I am sure there's another side to the story where the girl's side is greedy and utterly unyielding and is on the poach-like look-out for guys too!! But I don't have to write about it and so I didn't!!

13 comments:

Sriram said...

Society is always a bitch. Our folks back at home need to realise the concept of equality. Worse yet, a lot of folks let their egos get in the way of a perfectly good relationship. I've known a few cases where the girl makes more money than the guy and yet, they live happily simply because the guy isn't a wuss but rather because they respect each other and embrace equality.

In your case, don't worry. We always find the right one, even if it takes a bit of time. In other words, don't force a square peg in a round hole. (Does that make sense at all?)

Zeppelin said...

rajma...yummy.. i completely agree.. but sometimes the not-so-good-lookin guy, who does not own a BMW/merc, but who can cook and is decently educated and can be a really nice mate.. nuh-uh..

so all we can do is either go against the system, disgruntle a few people on the way and find the prince charming/princess Di of our life and lead an oh-so-lovely life together.. or swim with the current.. and be happy and sometimes be angry about it and vent it out.. :)

cheers mate!

Vinod Ramamoorthy said...

Why is the grass always ...i mean ALWAYS greener on the other side !!!!
But ya I have to agree with you on the conservativeness shown by some of the tambrahms.I guess this would be the last generation bearing the brunt of the conservative society.My son or daughter would come and tell me ..Yo dad ..meet ur DIL/SIL!!

dinesh said...

While I agree with some of what you have said here, I can't say all of what you say happens on a consistent basis. Each person bases his/her opinion on their own experiences, so you are entitled to your opinion as I am to mine.

Agreed : A lot of stupid formalities happen still which makes the life of the bride/groom more difficult than it needs to be. But to call the process worse than 20 years, that does not seem right to me. The outlook of the people is definitely getting better and like Vinod Iyer points out, I believe w';re definitely heading towards a less irritating generation in terms of expectations for the new member of the family. Yes, the sad part is that people want their daughters in law to look good even now. One question I've had so far is, why is the photograph a first step in every process ? I mean physical compatibiity maybe a small factor, but something that you've been born with tells nothing about the person itself. Nothing about the upbringing, nothing about the values and principles etc. It sure does not make sense to me.

Sriram said...

@ Vinod,
Whoa whoa whoa.. Why am I seeing the word "conservatism" and "tam bram" in the same line? Stop generalizing please. And if you think this is the last generation from the "conservative society", you sir are very mistaken. It's not just the tam brams who are conservative. I can show you enough guys in the US who are so bloody conservative that it makes me cringe. Welcome to reality, sir.

Vinod Ramamoorthy said...

@Sriram: Did I mention that conservativeness is bad!! And that only Tambrahms are conservative ..Let me scroll up ...No I DID NOT !!

Zeppelin said...

allo ???????? anybody home ??????? :P

Aravindan said...

see..all said and done the process shd be very interesting....for one, if u din know the person u r going to marry..obv u will def make a decision based on foto, apart from job, background etc. given a gud job, ppl do look for good looking ppl when they hv no other parameter to base a decision. its the fact.let us accept. talking otherwise wd be sheey hypocracy. if it was not an arranged case then,there r so many factors based on which u wd choose a guy. so polambaatha that ppl make decision based on fotos n looks....

or do something to get out of this process....i m sure u wd not mind :P

Viji said...

ennamma... polambittu poitta.
Next post please!
-Viji

Arvind Srinivasan said...

First time here from Arun's site.

All i have to say is - Veetukku Veedu vAsapadi :)

I'm quoting from a bride seeks groom matrim-ad. "Ph.D./ MBA/ MS-IITs East coast only".

I first thought, may be i wrongly landed on the Google-jobs page !!!!

And bel. me, i have seen this more regularly on this site than on any career-site.

And, also not to mention the post-graduate seeking m.com's that consider BE's as bachelor ! - lovely ya and hence want post-graduates !!

Sense of superiority and inferiority are highly relative !

p.s : Tip of the day - get your josiyar an ipod for this new-year, and your horro(R)scope will turn into a nice dream :D :P

Sathish said...

marriage!! :))

Zeppelin said...

knock knock..anybody home ??

S. Jabbar said...

I say, different people have different angles of looking at the bigger picture. I am going to go for an arranged one. It is just so interesting to get married to a stranger woman. Start from 0, knowing that splitting wont be a good choice, and second wife may make things worse.
Anyway, lookout is good, blind marriage is definetly not an option.